Not Nice Food

I'm not wild about it being this cold here. Last week I complained that it was too hot! Ever hear the expression, "She'd complain if they hung her with a new rope"? That's me. I'm a little bored and a little cranky and 4th of July is my least favorite holiday (too much noise and worry and alcohol for my comfort) so I can't even look forward to that. Hmmm..... I think I'll make fun of something!

Regular readers know that I like recipes (irregular readers should buy some of that Activia yogurt). In the search for good recipes, I come across some that could not possibly, in any way, be nice to eat. In my younger days, I could not easily tell the difference and cooked some of these. Once I made dinner for Paul (who was not yet my hubby) and his cousin Peter. It was a "Tuna-upside-down-casserole." You lined the bottom of a pan with lemon slices and poured a tuna-goop mixture over that, then a cornbread mixture. It was to be baked and turned out onto a platter. The problem was, Paul doesn't like cornbread and Peter doesn't like tuna and I don't like it when lemons interact with aluminum pans and make everything taste like tinfoil! I also made a dish that involved a kiwifruit sauce for Tilapia (fish). All I could get out of Paul was that it "wasn't his favorite". For a Minnesota Lutheran, that's a scathing indictment!

I was reminded of my lemon/tuna failure when I saw this recipe in the Hackensack Union Congregational Church Cookbook (1982). I have no idea how this cookbook came to be in my possession, but I could not get over how bad this sounded. Mary Ann (the boss) says she has eaten this and it is indeed awful. The person who made it for her (more than once, because Mary Ann is Lutheran, too, and too nice to retch in public) also added sliced black olives.

Tuna Salad

Mix and chill until syrupy:
2 pkg lemon jello 1 1/3 cups boiling water
Add:
1 cup Mayo 4 grated hard-boiled eggs
1 family size can tuna 4 Tbl sweet pickle relish
2 cups (!) chopped celery 4 Tbls lemon juice
Fold in 1 cup heavy cream, whipped. (that's right!) Pour into 9x13 pan and chill. Nice on lettuce.

I saw this one in an old cookbook at a garage sale. You were supposed to take a Shredded Wheat biscuit (the big ones, the size where 1 is breakfast) and cut off the top and hollow it out to resemble a treasure chest. Then you put a nice raw oyster inside, put the top back on and steam until the oyster was done and the shredded wheat was "tender" (soggy). EWWW!

Lest you think it is only seafood recipes that can go awry, here is one that maybe kids would like. You may not however, call it "salad". That's just wrong.

Cookie Salad

2 (3.4-oz) pkg instant vanilla pudding
2 cups buttermilk
1 (15oz) can mandarin oranges, drained
1 (16 oz) Cool Whip
1 pkg fudge striped cookies

Mix pudding and buttermilk. Mix oranges and cool-whip and combine mixtures. Crumble cookies adn just before serving, mix 3/4 into mixture and sprinkle 1/4 on top.

Foreign foods may be delicacies to foreigners, but to me, "Liver dumplings", "Lutefisk Pudding", "Red Bean Dessert Soup" and ANYTHING involving tripe is not nice food.

This one sounded so crazy that I had to try it. It wasn't as bad as I'd thought, but a little salty.

Velveeta fudge
1 lb velveeta cheese
1lb margarine
1 1/2 cups cocoa
4lbs powdered sugar
1 Tbls vanilla
Chopped nuts (optional)

Melt cheese and margarine in a microwave until melted and blended, stirring every 1-2 minutes. Mix in rest of ingredients and pour into buttered jelly roll pan. Freezes well.

Someone gave me a bunch of beets with greens. I am looking for a good recipe or two to use these up, but a lot of the recipes look nasty. The one involving bacon looks promising, though. It's hard to ruin bacon! Since I have given you so many questionable recipes, I will give you one that sounds weird, but is really good!

This uses kiwi to tenderize the meat. It's an enzyme in the kiwi that does it, so do not marinate too long, or the meat will have an unpleasant texture.

Kiwi Teryaki

2 kiwi, peeled
1/4 cup dry white wine
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 clove garlic, peeled
1-2 tsp peeled, grated fresh ginger
1 tbls oil

Yep, whomp it in the blender and pour over a couple pounds of round steak (other meats work too, but cut down or eliminate the marinating time). Marinate round steak 30 minutes, then broil or grill, brushing on more marinade. Watch it so the sugary sauce doesn't burn.

Hey, I feel better! Who will I make fun of tomorrow?