CSI Ramsey

We had a forensic mystery in the house the other day. The boys brought a strange mark on the wall to my attention. It was in the stairway, and it took me a while to figure out what it was.

It was a double drip of blood! Kind of horseshoe shaped, with obvious dripping. I do watch CSI (the LasVegas edition, I can't stand David Caruso and his cheesy "Smell-the-Fart" acting) so the words "cast-off" and "directional spatter" were on my mind. We examined both the pets, and found no damage. I inspected Mr. Ose for damage and he was also fine. He's kind of a tough guy, flesh wounds mean nothing to him.

At this point, I remembered the bleeding walls in various horror movies (Amityville Horror?) and wondered if Lutherans can make Holy Water or if I had to take a Ziplok over to the Catholic church.

That is when I found what I thought was a grape skin on the carpet. Looking at it more closely, I saw that it had legs. Putting our forensic evidence together, I deduced that the dog must have had one of those really big wood ticks, that had become engorged until it was the size of a grape, like this one:


It must have fallen off the dog while she was walking on the stairs, and then somebody stepped on it, squirting the dog's blood onto the wall. All together now, EEEEEWWWWW!

It is good to know that if I get tired of teaching, I can get a job in the police lab. I like giving you recipes that relate to the blog, so here is a recipe for grape salad. Try not to think about big fat wood ticks when you eat it.

Oh, fine, if that is too nasty to contemplate, let's try this: It took a lot of scrubbing to get the dried blood off the wall. So much so that I scrubbed through the paint. Luckily, we are repainting for Nate's graduation party. The color I chose is called "Asparagus". It is REALLY green.

So today's BONUS recipe for the squeamish is for asparagus. I may never eat grapes again.

Bonus forensic fact: Asparagus will make human urine smell different/strange/extra stinky. Studies have shown that it affects all human urine, but only 22% of people have the autosomal genes necessary to smell the difference.

Grape salad

4# of seedless grapes (green or purple)
1 8oz package of cream cheese
1 8 oz container sour cream
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 ounces chopped pecans
2 tbsp brown sugar

Wash and dry grapes. In a large bowl, combine cream cheese, sour cream, vanilla, and white sugar. Add grapes and mix until evenly incorporated. Sprinkle with brown sugar and pecans, mix again and refrigerate until serving.

You can also use fat free cream cheese and low fat sour cream, and 1/2 cup splenda instead of white sugar, and it tastes just as good.

Asparagus with Lemon-Mint Sauce

2 lbs asparagus, trim and steam until tender (I microwave it)

1 Tbls butter

2 Tbls fresh lemon juice

Zest from the lemon

1/4 cup minced fresh mint leaves

Mix butter, juice, zest and mint, heat (a quick zap will do it) until butter melts and pour over cooked asparagus.