Kimonos are not designed for Swedes

First of all, a warning; Nate got his learner's permit on Thursday! Clear the roads! He only got one wrong, I am so proud. However, how did he get old enough for this? Just yesterday he was a baby, I'm sure. I taught him how to pump gas right away, so I won't have to stand in the cold, haha. It's almost as good as when we taught him to mow the lawn!

I was telling my book club about some of my (many) previous jobs. I promised to share the story of becoming a geisha. Not really, but I did work in a Japanese restaurant.

I worked in a Chinese restaurant, too, during my college years. I worked at the Village Wok in stadium village, by the U. During the day, this restaurant is filled with University students and workers, and the menu reflects this with traditional "Chinese" items such as Celery-and-crunchy-noodle-ChowMein. Shudder, shudder, ick. It's what the people want. And pretty cheap, too. (So are the customers, they should learn how to calculate a tip.) At night, the customers are mainly from the Chinese community and the menu improves tremendously. So does the tipping, there is competition as to who can pay for the family and who can leave the (nice, big) tip. Yay.

Sadly, frat- rats also come in at night. When I worked there, the Wok was open until 2 a.m. We were allowed to lock the door at 1:45, and the fraternity boys and sorority girls would slip in after bar close. They would then order a bunch of stuff and stay around swilling tea until 3, or until they got tired of my very strong hints that they go home. I had classes at 8a.m. and didn't want to sit there with the rest of the staff watching them smoke. I thought it was so rude, to sit there and ask for more tea long after they ate everything and with 6 workers sitting there with their coats on, yawning and wishing to go to bed. I did learn some Chinese, though. Mostly food words and curse words, but you'd be surprised at how handy that is. Fry cooks the world over are rarely well-mannered, and these gents were no exception. Apparently, they insulted the waitresses (especially the non-chinese) a million times a day. One day, I'd had enough and repeated a very nasty curse back. The cook actually turned pale and muttered "I've never heard a white girl swear like that". I got more respect after that, at least for a while. I got fired from the Wok for sneaking free food to Paul. Should have been sneakier!

From there I went to work at the Kikugawa Restaurant. Wait staff there wear kimono uniforms. Now, they do not make these with sturdy girls of Swedish extraction in mind. There is summer kimono and winter kimono. Winter ones have two layers to put on improperly, summer ones are one layer. I was hopeless. and helpless. and hapless, too! A lovely Japanese lady would supervise the uniforming every day, and every day I thought I had put the stupid thing on the right way. I would mince out, proudly (did I mention these wrap tightly around the legs? Not easy to walk in for a girl used to striding boldly across the prairie!) and present myself for inspection. She would "Tsk, Tsk" and tweak the kimono here and there and all of a sudden it would fit better. Not perfect, because it was not designed for girls with, um, curves. Curves are discouraged. After the tweaking came the obi, the wide sash. Did you know a big piece of cardboard goes under that sash? You wouldn't want to be able to bend over or anything, right? Then the sash was wound on and tied, oh, so very tightly. I was reminded of Scarlett O'Hara and her corsets every day, except she didn't have to wait tables in hers. The nice lady would say "I think Kimono is so very comfortable, don't you agree?" I would have answered her if I could have breathed.

The assigned footwear was white nylon (ugh) ankle socks with the big toe separate and sandals. These socks are (surprise) also not made with me in mind. "We don't have any for feet that big!" said the nice lady. So, too-small socks and sandals for me. Now, I hated toe-socks (remember? each toe a different color not found in nature and knit out of the thickest yarn known to man?) from the seventies and made my mom cut the toes off and sew the end shut. I couldn't fit my big feet AND those socks in any pair of shoes. If (all right, when) I go to hell, I will be made to wear toe-socks, listen to rap music, be immersed in cold water and eat bugs.

Day wait staff were of all different ethnic heritages. We were not happy that only people of asian heritage were allowed to serve at night (when the tips were 10 times better). It was thought that customers desired a "traditional experience" and that did not include blondes in (ill-fitting) kimonos. Especially blondes who could not remember not to hike the darn thing up above the knees when in a hurry.

I was allowed to be the cocktail waitress at night, though. Not in a kimono, thank god, because you have to be able to outrun the business men at happy hour. They would all smile, think they were being so, so, original and say "You don't look Japanese". I would smile back and say "Shh, don't tell the boss, I told him I WAS Japanese" Haha. Big tip. When the boss objected to that line, I switched to "I'm from NORTHERN Japan". haha, not such a big tip. The bartender let me have all the drinks she made by mistake. One day she had a fight with her boy friend and made LOTS of mistakes. It's a good thing I took the bus to work, cuz I sure wouldn't have been able to drive!

So, here is a good recipe with an asian influence. If you can't find candied ginger in the white-bread suburbs, you can use minced regular ginger. Try not to worry about the peanut butter in the wake of the recent salmonella scare. If you boil it, it will kill the germs. Trust me, I used to be a Health Inspector !

Indonesian Pork (a crockpot recipe)

4-5 pound pork roast
salt and pepper to taste
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/2 tsp dried red pepper flakes
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1 Tbls chopped crystallized (candied) ginger
3/4 cup peanut butter (crunchy or not)
optional green onion for garnish

Put a rack or trivet in the bottom of the crockpot if you have one. Don't worry about it if you don't. Sprinkle meat with salt and pepper. Combine honey, soy sauce, red pepper and lemon juice and pour over meat. (I know, that just washed off all the salt and pepper, didn't it?) Sprinkle ginger over meat and cook on low for 9-10 hours. Remove meat and keep it warm while you make sauce. Put sauce in a pot with the peanut butter and boil for 5 minutes, whisking to smooth it out. Slice meat and serve with rice and maybe stirfried vegys.